I am just letting you all know that I am on Weight Watchers with a goal to lose 40lbs before my wedding in March. So I have 8 months with a goal of 5lbs a month.

I started a month ago and it took me ALL month to lose almost 4 lbs. They say, "Slow and steady wins the race!"

This may be a little harder than it looks.

But I haven't been very good about it all either.

In Weight Watchers each person (depending on their weight, height, and daily physical movement) gets a "point allowance." So per day I have 37 points to spend. Which seems like a lot but you'd be amazed how many points each food item is.

I will keep you updated on my progress!

Have you ever felt stuck?

My life is kinda feeling like that now!

Let me just assure you that:

a) I already have crappy credit

b) have a WONDEFUL hubby-to-be  who makes sure the bills get paid every month

c)plus, he has great credit

So life isn't so bad... but financialy, I feel like we will never get any better!

In May we went to Seattle and maxxed out our credit card(But Seattle was AMAZING... we LOVED IT), plus we bought our wedding rings (on a differnt credit card), and for Brad's b-day we bought him a big screen TV and an XBOX. Then our cell phone bill came in and was almost $400! May was a rough month for us!

We were finally getting back on our feet when this hit us...

My car broke down!!!

Brad happened to take my car to work that day and I took his so I could wash it for him. He pulled into a drive-way to turn around and when he tried to put it back in drive, it wouldn't budge.

So now my car drives ONLY in reverse!!!

It was the transmission and fixing it would cost $1,800 - $2,200! I bought the car for $3000 and its a 1999 Taurus... so I got my use out of it.

But now I am FORCED to buy a new car!!!

Brad says, in the end, a new car is a better bet than a used car. And I know it is true but new cars are spendy!

But the point of all this story telling is trying to tell you that I feel like we start to move foward, then we get sucked back in....

But life can't stand still and in the end we will be just fine... its just hard to see all that now

I love my sister, she is my best friend and I tell her everything!

But she is currently in the hospital mental health ward in lock-down...

At the begining of the summer my sister got on ADHD medication. Megan doesn't have any signs of ADHD but both my mother and younger brother are have ADHD and are medication so the doc put her on medication to keep her focused.

Now I have been told that riddlin helps calm down people who do have ADHD and keep them focused BUT if the patient does not have ADHD then it acts as speed in his/her body.

Soon after Megan started taking riddlin, she complained of losing sleep or sleeping very little. She also said that sometimes she would forget basic daily functions that she had done every day for the last few years. Some days she would just forget to wash her face or put on deordent but she would remember to do weird little things.

On the 4th, Brad and I went over to my parent's house to shoot off fireworks and eat yummy dinnner. Megan ate about 3 bites and felt sick. She was very closed off and quiet which is not Megan's normal behavior. She also had a weird sore-throut. But no one really thought any thing of it since she had been feeling kinda icky the last few weeks. She has also been SUPER stressed over her school, and not having a job, and her boyfriend.

But Brad's parents came to Montana and only got to stay for 2 days because his dad got REALLY sick. So his mother gave us some money and we already had time off so on the 5th we decided to head up to Canada!

Megan called me the night of the 6th and left a message on my VM saying, "I know whats going on!" And then contituned to whisper jibberish for the next minute or so of the voicemail. Since I was in Canada I was trying not to make too many calls so I wouldn't rack up my international minutes! She called back about an hour later and was telling me about how she knew that everyone was out to get her.

She told me that Dr Lalouver (a professor from UGF who taught a class Megan was in last semester but has now moved to New Mexico to study aliens) was asked by Jimmy (her ex-boyfriend) to test/check Megan's personality. And she figured the whole family was in on this. When I told her that I had never talked to Dr Lalouver she didn't believe me.

She kept telling me that she had everything under control and that she had hypmotised both Jimmy and Mark (her old boss) and that both of these men were under her control. She kept telling me to call my dad and ask him any questions I had... "He knows" she would say. At this time it is almost 1am and Megan was making no sense.

I was SO nervous about her! I called my dad and woke both him and my mother from their sleep! My dad said she was making just as much sense to her and he had no idea what she had been talking about either. We made the decision that she should go to the ER the next day. I cried about 6 times that night because Megan has never been that irrational before. She was not her self anymore!

The next morning my mom called 2 physologists to get a professional opinion and both said that she needed to go to the hosp. but she refused to go!

One of the counsilors kinda lied to Megan to get her there but she went. She has been there now for 2 days.

She is convinced that she had to work on this "Project" that involves Dr Lalouver, Dr Jones (the greatest EDU professor), and Dr Parrett (mine and Megan's favorite professor on campus, he teaches mostly English).

But now she is telling everyone that if they help her she will get EVERYONE free schooling at ANY school they want.

But this project also involves all the people she knows who are not in college. She wants all of them to go to college and go to a counsilor to become more cultured.

On top of all of this... all her old boyfriends and flings, she has been calling and letting each of them think that she wants to be back together  with each of them.

She sounds nothing like her normal self! I just wish she would get better! What can I do to help her???

So, the summer after I graduated from highschool I met this girl at camp. Her name was Laura and she lived about 30mins away from where I lived. We were both camp counsilors for the summer and she was a fat girl and so am I... so we bonded over our fat....

I know, I know... Its a classic story: 2 girls bonding because they are both fat!

At the end of the summer I moved to San Diego. Laura had this "ideal" that we were suddendly best pals. She called me all the time and we would talk. But I knew even then that she had problems. Not just little problems either.

*She had all these emotional issues with her family: "My mom/sister/brother/dad/horse/dog doesn't love me!"

*She had issue with her self: "I am fat (duh)/ugly/sexually frustrated/unhappy/ect"

*She had issue with keeping her legs closed: "Since I lost  my virginity 3 months ago I've had sex with Joe/Josh/Brandon/Alex/Mark/Cory/Jesse/Dave/ and some guy with a limp. And I really think that Joe/Josh/Brandon/Alex/Mark/Cory/Jesse/Dave/ and that guy with the limp is perfect for me, I am totally in love with them and see my future with Joe/Josh/Brandon/Alex/Mark/Cory/Jesse/Dave/ and that guy with the limp. But why won't Joe/Josh/Brandon/Alex/Mark/Cory/Jesse/Dave/ and that guy with the limp call me back?"

*And I think she may be a little on the slow side... like, just not able to catch on

So, she was annoying and calling me all the time and telling me I was her best friend and complaining about her man/family/animal/sex/life problems.And I would tell her that I could be her best friend but she was not neccessarly mine. I already had a best friend who wasn't whiney or full of problems. But she just kept calling me her best firend so I lived with it.

I moved back to Montana 2+ years ago. Laura was dating Luke who lived like 3 hours away when she met Mike over the internet. So Laura was cheating on Luke with Mike when she got preg with Mike's baby which she lost a month later. They moved in together. She didn't like Mike although they had moved in together and they have now been together for over a year and now live in Arizona.

She calls me complaining about him and how irresponsible he is and that he cheats on her and yet she contitunes to stay with him. I am finally to the point where I don't care anymore about her problems BECAUSE she never takes my advice when I give it to her and keeps complaining about the same problems over and over and over and over again!!!

I am just DONE with her!

The other night was her birthday and I TOTALLY forgot! She writes me a text message saying: "Thanks for saying Happy Birthday"

I have totally had enough of her!

And I am tired of her giving me these stupid guilt trips when I don't call her back, and then this?

Done, done, DONE!

And on top of all of that, I am getting married and she keeps asking me who my bridesmaids are.

Yes, I know who they are... and you are not one of them!  But of course I can't tell her this because her feelings will be all hurt and she'll throw another guilt trip on me!!!

So now because of this Birthday Drama, I am dropping her from my life. Now I don't have to worry about her in my wedding and I don't have to be her theripists ANYMORE!

Does that make me a bad person?

I forgot to wear deordent today... silly me!

I was so concerned about getting out of the house, that I forgot to save my airpits from daily wetness.

I was starting to smell a little about 3 hours into my shift and I needed something... I made a quick run to the store right down the way from work and picked up Vanilla Chai smelling deordent...

So now my armpits smell like a delightfully edible birthday cake! 

I feel that my wedding should not about "me" but should be about "us"

But this wedding planning is getting me down! I mean, Brad is more than willing to help, which is nice! But I am one of those people who has to have-an-idea before I let someone else help!

At 1st we were doing the wedding in Aug and going to Vegas with our families. But my mom's parents live here in Montana and I know they wouldn't come to Vegas because they are both so old! And I want them to see atleast one of us kids get married before they die.

So we decided to do it here in Aug... BUT Bradley has been married once before and his last wedding was in Aug... So we moved it again to March (one year after we moved in together!!!)

But this wedding is feeling more and more like a circus and feeling less and less about our love!

In the middle of all the crazyness, I remember it is about "us"

I am so concerned about Save the Date cards, and designing my invites, and compiling a guest list, and trying to plan a reception, and mostly:

Finding an EFFING dress!

I am kinda a diva... not a snooty, bitchy diva... just a "I love sparkle and glam but I am on a budget" kinda diva. And since I will only wear a wedding dress once, it needs to make me look fabulous and still fit my personality!

I don't want anything too crazy...

but I am trying to shy-away from white or anything white like... I want color

I also want a dress without a HUGE train.

I want a dress that isn't boring

Yet still makes a fat girl look glam and gorgous!

OK, enough of that... I will find the dress, don't worry!

PS: I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with Brad... Hes perfect for me in every way!

Theres a new girl at my work...

She started this week and I met her Thursday evening when I came into work.

Shes a short girl. She's pretty good-looking, until she opens her mouth. She has this LOUD, whiney, annoying, valley-girl-drawl voice.

Why does it always seem that people with annoying voices never stop talking?

But theres more:

I work in the car rental business and the company I work for has 2 differnt locations in the same city. We are both open until midnight.

BUT last night, I had a guy on a flight that came in at 2am and I had to be back at work at 7am. So I call my manager and she says I can transfer it to our other location and I can head home.

As soon as I got off the phone with her, I get a phone call for (what I thought) was the last reservation who made it in early... I thought, "This is fab!"

So I go pick him up form the airport, get him his car, and go home a little after midnight.

About 2 hours after I got in today, she called...

"Did you forget someone last night?"

"Not that I am aware of..." I say.

"Well you did and I had to take him for you!"

"Oh well, things like that happen. Thank you for getting him."

And that was about the end of our conversation.

She then calls the manager and the supervisor to tell them about what I did!!!

I can see that maybe I did miss him, and I admit my fault. But this business is about being flexible and she doesn't see that. But she got it handled... and life goes on.

Let me just remind you that I have worked here for almost a year and I am a STAR employee... She has been here for 5 days and is already trying to tred water.

PLUS, my manager is a young girl (26... I'm 22 so shes older than me) and very nice BUT she contitunes to hire her friends (which is a bad bad bad idea) and this girl (I hear) is one of her friends.

So... the moral of my story is:

New girl should go because she likes to bring the DRAMA and this business doesn't have time for it!!!

Brandon and I have known eachother for a few years. My friend, at the time, started talking to Brandon on some dating site. They exchanged messanger names and talked once. I was there with her and though he was pretty good looking but wasn't about to do anything about it. Until I found out that she had stole this guy's phone number (a guy who I was currently flirting and talking to) out of my phone and called him. Then lied to me about it... So I got even, I wrote to the internet boy and we started talking and set up a date. This boy happened to be Brandon. Brandon and I met at La Posta... my favorite, hole-in-the-wall, Mexican restraunt.

I felt akward. I act awkard around new people sometimes. I was too worried about impressing him and I wasn't being true to myself... and he could totally tell. That night we went back to his place and messed around. We did that for a while. I would drag him to theatre plays and he would drag me out to restraunts. We had fun... but he never showed interest in me. He wouldn't hold my hand, he wouldn't touch my leg, he would hardly even look at me until we were back it his place. He finally told me he was kinda interested in another girl, named Amy, and she and him had been together a few times. I told him I wouldn't play sloppy seconds and he had to choose.

So Brandon and I stopped fooling around, I stopped trying to impress him, but we still would hang out. He told me that Amy had told him that he needed to be with her 100% or not have her at all. Brandon thought on that, but before he could tell Amy his decision, she "dumped" him. He called her a bitch for a few months and Brandon and I started to become really good friends. A while after that, he asked if I wanted to have a 3some with him and Brandi (Miss Domanatrics). I told him we weren't like that anymore and we never talked about it again.

We then spent a lot of time together, we became very close and learned to love eachother as friends. I moved away almost 2 years ago. He never calls, he rarely e-mails, and I never talk to him... but I have never doubted his friendship. I know that if I needed him, he would be there. And whenever I visit San Diego, he is the one person I spend all my time with! He makes me happy, in an akward way, but still happy. He supports some of my stupidest ideas because he knows I need the support but always helps me make a better decision.

I could never date Brandon. It would be weird. But I do see him as a friend for the rest of my life!

I can't believe that it had been almost a year that since I moved in with my best freind and my sister, then Taylor and I had a huge falling out and I moved back to my parents houses.

In December we all moved into a yellow little house. The house was GHETTO. It had carpet that was laid over other carpet and not really secured down. The refridgerator had CamelPacks waterholders in the bottem shelf. The windows upstairs didn't open. The front door didn't close all the way and was falling apart. There was no isulation so we always had the heater all the way up. It was very ghetto... You have no idea.

We signed a "year" long lease but the paper work only said it was a 6month lease.

Taylor and I were best friends at the time. She and I just connected. We were always together and always silly.

In May we April, we started drifting apart. She kept things from me. It was a struggle to have a normal conversation with her because she was "hiding" things from me. I didn't like the feeling. She also stopped paying the bills. Each month we would give her money for bills and she would pay them. But she stopped paying the total balance and would just pay half of it.

It went from bad to worst... Things got really ugly!

We now dislike eachother... I miss her...but life goes on...

I am TOTALLY in love with my boyfriend.

BUT... we currently don't live in the same state...

I met him when I was living in San Diego and fell head-over-heels for him, but it was bad timing for both of us. I was in the process of moving back to Montana and he had just gotten out of a divorce so it wouldn't work out. In September, he got a hold of me again and we fell for eachother all over again.

The more we talked, the more we knew we wanted to be together. So we decided that one of us had to move. I am too far into school here to just leave it but hes never not lived with his parents (and he 23). I am by no means giving up school, even if I lost him. My education means so much to me and I know I want to have a degree before I have kids. I need to be close to home to finish it right now too, otherwise I dilly-dally. Plus, when I looked into it, I found out that none of my credits transfer to another school because I go to a Private, Liberal Arts College... its just better for me to stay here. So Brad has decided to move here, to be with me until I finish school. We decided this in October, so its not a big shock.

Our offical move-in date is March 8. We will be getting a 1 bedroom and just taking the leap... Its kinda scary but I have never been this excited!

Brad is the only guy who has ever made me feel this special and this amazing. He knows what I like and I want to make him happy!

But because hes not here, it gets harder for me. I like to be able to see and hold what I have and with us living so far apart, it doesn't happen.

At the begining of the semester, I met this guy named Travis. He has amazing blue eyes and is kinda a mountain man... not usually my type, but I think he is a hottie! Today Travis saw me outside a professor's office and he gives me this cute flirty smile. As he leaves the office, he slowly caresses my arm and looks deep into my eyes and says "I'll see you Thursday..." He gives me another adorable smile and slowly releases his brace on my arm. I thought I was gonna faint!

Hes SO good looking!

But Brad is the only guy I ever want to be with. I know that even though he is good-looking, I could never connect with a guy who shoots elk as a sport and then eats their flesh. I'm more of a hamburger type girl... I like things plain. I don't like the plaid pattern and I refuse to wear Carharts (thats totally not my style). I don't want to ride shot-gun in a gas-guzzler from the 70s and I don't want to learn to mend a fence. I can't even pretend to desire all that Travis is. So I will just observe.

Brad and I have SO much in common. We come from similar morals, our lives (although hundreads of miles away) seem to match. He makes me whole. He is cute and funny and wonderful... I want no one else! I can't wait to start my life with him.

I am in love with the most amazing guy ever!